These foul-mouthed One Direction fans have got on my nerves. Ever since I mentioned their heroes when reviewing Casablancas’ “Please Don’t Be Like Me” and Federico’s “Los Amores Imaginarios”, they’ve sent me a barrage of e-mails, accusing me of every crime since the dawn of time.

Well, just to set the record straight:

1) I think these guys can certainly sing, and 2) I think they are releasing music that’s largely tasteful.

Yet:

1) Louis and Liam have NO REASON WHATSOEVER to be on the band, and 2) They are NOT good-looking. They are NOT. The Backstreet Boys were. N-Sync were. Boyzone were. The Wanted are (though a couple of them look like they’ve just gotten out of prison, and they’re about to star on the next “Fast & Furious” movie). One Direction are NOT.

Actually, there’s only one band member who looks any good: Niall. And how do I know? I know, because I’ve found irrefutable scientific proof online. I mean, see what I’ve managed to find on the WWW after incessant hours of research:

(I found it online, I swear. I didn’t come with this shit up. I’m a master troll, but my life doesn’t revolve around drawing hearts on pictures of members of One Direction)

You know, I’ve taken this very personally. The amount of abuse I’ve received from these directioners has been relentless. I can’t even concentrate, and do my job properly.
A girl went as far as to telling me, “my boyfriend is going to break into your house tonight, and bang your head against your keyboard!!!”.
Oh, yeah? Really, sweetheart?? Is that it??? It’s almost 2 AM and I’m still waiting for him. Tell him that when he xbnowdukrf jneirfh er ekwoigo hg wilrgjw oufvjs lfjowr pgj rgjrldig jrgarig 76irgirtjh gitrjhgit ur8yedhnf lkw fhuefgvu ierfg kdyv rurbgt dfpgrgiort krtgk jekh feuyfu eyfuef.

(Emilio wakes up 8 hours later over his keyboard, and rubs his forehead. He says in a hushed voice: “Man, my head hurts like shit! And for some reason I can’t seem to sit very well! Nevermind, I’ve got a job to do…”)

There’s this new Uruguayan band called “Limbo” that has recently issued their first demo. It’s one of these Uruguayan bands that sing in English (like my doobie brothers Casablancas, my northern siblings Soundays, and these soul ravers who make up The Bear Season). Yet, Limbo stands out if only because their songs deal with romantic matters. You know, boys who like girls, girls who like boys and people who can’t stand up for falling down. Continue reading →